A BBC report on health says that:

Smoking 'reduces alcohol effect'

Having a cigarette while drinking may reduce the effects of the alcohol, scientists suggest - but the tests have only been carried out on rats so far.

I gotta wonder though, where'd they get all those rat-sized cigarettes and pints?

A Saudi woman in my office wiggled by in a skin-tight red shirt, blue jeans, red stilettos, straightened black hair trailing down her racoon-eyed face AND AND AND, in case you thought THAT was the story. AND A PAIR OF RED HOTPANTS ON TOP OF HER JEANS! Because, um, we’re not going to let cultural standards stop us from looking like a flygirl in a bad music video. And in case you’re wondering, the effect is very much like wearing hotpants without the jeans underneath.

I saw, my jaw dropped, but I said nothing and tried to hurry away. My lovely Emirati colleague, however, was not so stunned. With a raised single brow, she took in a big eyeful, turned to me and announced:
“Kayamat is coming!”
“Yeah, definitely,” I answered, still looking aghast. “Soon.”
No, she said: “TONIGHT!”

Then we both died. Of laughter.

Since I’ve started this job I’ve had to get glasses because of reading-induced eyestrain, developed an impingement in my shoulder joint from balancing the phone while typing, and tennis elbow from using the computer. Be not surprised if tomorrow’s headline in your number one favourite schizophrenic tabloid is “Reporter Sues Own Newspaper For Metamorphosis from Athletic to Geriatric.” It’s a million miles long, sensationalised, and utterly irrelevant – if I but wrote it, they’d put it on the front page.

Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase 'each other'
doesn't make sense any more.
- Jelaluddin Rumi

The day you wore your scruffiest pair of Converse rubber toes, with the most ostentatious striped socks sticking out the top, faded olive-drab skirt and too daring scarf style WOULD, with your luck, be the day you accidentally walked into the Minister of Health’s closed-door meeting. And happened to be seated OPPOSITE him. Good luck trying to go unnoticed. Somehow, punk hijabis stand out in a room full of kandoora-clad old officials. Way to make a good first impression, genius. *dies*

In the course of one day I had these three phone conversations with random health officials

After many minutes of dialogue on contagious disease one ancient director general (ADG) interjects…

ADG: Hey, is X there?
Me: No, the chief reporter is not in the office right now, she’s usually very busy.
ADG: Well if you see her, do me a favour.
Me: What?
ADG: Strangle her!
Me: Why?!
ADG: Because I said I am an old man who can have four wives and she should marry me. She has not!
Me: Er, um, ok.
ADG: I am kidding. She is like my daughter. Tell her something else for me.
Me: What’s that?
ADG: That she is crazy. Khallas. Hahaha!
***
Following a tense and boring discussion on pharmaceuticals, I exasperatedly ask

Me: Well, if we can’t have more generics and the government won’t subsidize, then what is the public to do? Medicine is getting beyond many’s means!
Dry and monotone official (DMO): There is really only option.
Me: What’s that?
DMO: Suicide.
Me: WHAT?!
DMO: Yes, you see because if you succeed, then medicine cost are no longer a problem, and if you fail, well then, you go to jail for two months and then government provides you medicine so cost is not a problem.
(After a few seconds of silence as I wonder what on earth is going on he BURSTS out laughing.)
Me: Um, can I quote you on that?
DMO: No no no!
***

In an interview on the risk of infectious disease for travellers I found myself somehow preaching to a very uncooperative choir.

Me: What risk of infectious disease do you think holiday travellers face?
Proper doctor (PD): Ah, who cares about vaccinations and disease anyways.
Me: Excuse me?
PD: I was in Egypt last week and you know what I did? I ate chicken!
Me: Yeah, I do that too sometimes.
PD: No, it was an Avian flu meeting. And Egypt has the flu. But I don’t care. I like chicken so I told them I would eat only that. And I did! Everyone else was horrified, but it meant more chicken for me!
Me: Well, yeah the risk from getting it through consumption is not high.
PD: And I don’t really care about all these vaccines either. You can take them if you want, but you know what, you can’t hide from diseases. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
Me: Er, yeah.
PD: But you don’t want that for the story though, do you?
Me: No, not really. Could you just say something, you know, proper, like lick the tourist attractions?
PD: Fine, what you want exactly?